Meet Fatniss

I come from a rural district in Pennsylvania. It's no District 12. We never starved. The food there was awesome. Pizza in a table-sized tray. Sub sandwiches with pepperoni and mayo. Pierogies--little balls of dough and potatoes and butter fit for a proper farm girl.

I didn't live on a farm. 

I did ride my bike everywhere from the time I was in fourth grade. I'm pretty sure that's what kept me from turning into a Weeble until I left for college. I struggled with weight throughout adolescence, though I really should have loved that girl back then, because today's girl is in way worse shape. 

Airplanes and subway seats intimidate me. I can fit in them, but I'm pretty sure people don't like to sit next to me. That profile photo over there? It's the only one you'll see of me. I use it for Facebook, Twitter, anything public. It's a bit ridiculous, I realize, since most of my friends see me often enough to know I'm not a model. I am, however, a photographer. I really enjoy it. It also makes a great excuse for never appearing in a photo. Like a good mom, I make sure I take a few with my daughter "in case something happens," but those never make it off of my computer.

Now I'm on a quest--a quest to make it through middle age stronger and healthier than I've been in my life. I call it a quest, because the bigger journey began a long, long time ago. I'm not sure what makes this particular quest different than the others, except that, apparently, I'm telling the world about my Fatniss. They knew. I'm the only one who couldn't say it out loud. 

This blog seems like good therapy for now. I know putting it out there makes me a bit accountable, though I have no illusions that anyone but those who feel obligated will read it. Writing everything down also forces me to admit some of the hurt that has kept me on this unhealthy path for so long. I've always felt like I had something to prove--fat girls are smart and capable, so there!

I have hundreds of battles ahead of me. Right now, writing this is my weapon against the bag of pretzel sticks that I bought yesterday because I was sure I could eat just 20 at a time. 

I really don't know where I'm headed yet, but I can tell you that this is already a new path for me.